It's Just A Little Arson...

Did I ever tell any of you about all the houses I burned down as a kid? No? Well, it was great! And, let me tell you how I went about doing it. [Put your phone down. There's no reward for my capture.]

At around the age of 10 I would wake up early in the morning and get some Fruity Pebbles in me, cuz a kid's got to eat.
I'd arrive at a house in the mid to late morning when everything in the neighborhood had quieted down a little bit. After making sure the coast was clear I would grab a molotov cocktail and chuck it into the open kitchen window. After a few seconds - WOOF! House fire.
And high fives were given all around!

Wait. What?!

Maybe I should clarify a few things;
 I was being generous with the "open window". I should say "missing window".
The house was also clearly taped off and gutted out.
The houses were demolition burns.
Also, the person who made and lit the "molotov cocktail" was the Fire Chief.

You see; back in the mid to late 80s, you could "donate" your house to a fire department and/or police department so they could train in them before you tore them down to rebuild.
The police would practice take downs while later the fire department would come in and set small fires to practice putting them out. When a house got too close to the "condemned" area of the spectrum then they would go all 'Mythbusters' on it and bring it down to the ground. That's where I came in.
I don't know if they still do that, today, but, it was a great asset to both departments when they did.

I was also involved in quite a few brush and field fires in other districts around the area.
It wasn't uncommon for a fire department to want to burn certain hazards as a preventative measure but, most of the time said department had to get permits and what-not from the citys' Mayor or board - and that could take years.
Some may find it odd that, mysteriously, a fire would suddenly break out in those exact spots.
Yeah. That was me and grandpa. Sometimes other guys from other departments who would, how you say, trespass and start a small "campfire" and then leave.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

To bring a lot of you up on this peculiar situation; I was raised a barn brat. From 1918 to 2004 there was never not a Mahn or Lange (Mom's side) in the fire department. I was born. I got wrapped in a little blue blanket and given to my Mom. And, then we went to the fire barn so I could be tossed around - literally (they ignored the "Handle With Care" sticker).

The second ever vehicle powered by me was a fire truck. I was maybe 9 years old and me and grandpa went out to fill the tanker. Gramps pulled about 5ft too far away from the hydrant and, instead of dragging out another hose he told me to back the truck up a couple feet. I was a God for 4 whole seconds!

Another time I was on a fire run and, while hooking a hose up to a hydrant a cop drove up and said "How about you get away from there". My grandpa came around the engine and told the cop, "How about you shut your trap! Now get down there and keep traffic off this road!" The cop immediately ducked down and drove to the intersection. (My grandpa was quite a big deal with the FD)

I have personally, with these two hands, saved 7 peoples' lives between the time I was 14 to 27 years old. I never panicked. I've never puked. I've never sought praise. (PRAISE MEEE!) It was who I am. It's what you do when someone needs you.

I grew up as a hanger-out and graduated to broom pusher and, eventually, truck wash boy (as high as I could reach, anyway) and, as a reward I got to throw the igniter into a few houses that were to be brought down [of course, the house was laden with other incendiary devices].
I was groomed by the entire fire department to be a fireman as I grew up. I was 12 years old and sweeping up glass and, sometimes, small pieces of human body parts on the highway. I was molded to step into the job when I became of age.

I fell out, eventually. A different life story called me.
Sometimes I wish that I'd stayed on.
Either way, I'd be medically unqualified today.